Murder the Weatherman

"...and looking at the nation's weather patterns, we seem to have a high pressure zone located in Eastern Alberta, which actually is not our nation, but they're our neighbors so who cares? And for you lucky weather fans of Utah, we seem to have a cold arctic blast blasting into your region. You'll be happy to know that sking will be extended untill late August, and you'll receive aproximately 6 inches tomorrow..."

"Oh, turn the channel to channel 5."

"...Oh, tonight on the weather, we'd like to say 70 degrees in beautiful Salt Lake and a high temperature of approximately 70 degrees..."

"That's a bunch of shit, turn it to channel 2."

"...Hi! This is Mark Eubank and I'd like to say that tomorrow there will be sleet, hail and all sorts of plagues of locusts cascading down from the sky..."


I heard it snowed again
you'll have to face up to your sins
don't appreciate the point of where it counts
gonna do it till the temperature mounts
gonna get some cumulative nimbus clouds cascading around.

Welti, Eubanks and channel 4
full of rage, I'll make them into gore
I hate the snow I hate the rain
rather be bleeding bloody and full of pain.

I want to murder the weatherman
for crimes against God and man
I want to murder the weatherman
look outside, it's snowing again!

I'm sick of your smiling face
while you talk about snow all over the place
I hate your peverse delights
I want to kill the weatherman and tonight.

Gail force winds in from the north-northeast
fear and flood and pestulance you say it all in a smile
if it's shitty now just wait awhile
so squeeze your buns and point at the fake map
suck it in and out I'm tired of all that crap.

It better get warm and not too soon
better wise up and change your tune by noon
I don't want to see any more maps
or we're going to play your taps
HEY! I got two more lines!

Fairweather friends, that's what he's got
usually the weatherman's considered a sot
it's all realitive once you expect
whenever they think it's sunny, you get wet.