Dales's Piano Blues Here's the story about a man named Boyle I slept with the back door open and it rained all night long I slept with the back door open and it rained all night long (Oh I was hoping you'd come along) but what was her name? I can't remember So I'll just Fuck it Oh don't end it you fool Because it's too early Oh it's only one o'clock in Salt Lake city and there's nothing to do (mountain standard time) Don't worry my Asian Slut friends I'm not going to say Squirt green come all over you No no no no no no no Because I've become sophisticated Yeah, I've got a degree I say I'm sophisticated I'm getting my degree a master's degree I won't squirt green come all over you But I may pee Mr. Alan Davison Ooooo OOooooo OoooOOO Moum bou bou dou dou I got those traveling blues I was down in Paris I didn't know what I could be I met a man in Gay Paris You know what that man said to me? He said, "Je ponce monsieur" Je ponce a du suit Yeah, that's what he said to me And I asked him, I said, Would you translate that, Would you translate that for me? And he said "uh, most certainly" He said "uh, what I mean to say" Is that I've been finding a way to give it away Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I bet you were about to turn this fucking tape off No! Ladies and gentlemen, this is your worst fucking nightmare because Dale once again has the microphone Jesus fucking christ, he's A, fucked up, B, He has no where to go and doesn't have to work tomorrow and C, Ha ha ha ha ha Has the fucking microphone and there's time left on the tape What disgusting things can he say? Who can he insult? God only knows Jesus Christ he's got the mike To Ward: FUCK YOU! To Mike: Fuck you Mike! To Brad: Eat my cunt! Suck his cunt! Yeah! Did you ever have a cunt come on you? It can get quite slimey I said, Have you ever have a cunt come on you? It can get quite slimey (You better send all the wives to the other room for this one) Because, Have you ever have a cunt come on you? It's quite slimey Ladies and Gentlemen, Ricky the Eel Now that we've all been enlightened by Doctor Dale He's brought the tone up straight from hell He's so highbrow he reads a lot He's not really a drunken sot But he drinks too much (he drinks too much) and he's got kids and a wife to support (he drinks too much) Yeah, Bill, Billy Moss, This is for you Having your troubles hanging out in the zoo with all the animals he drinks too much he drinks too much he drinks too much he drinks too much he drinks too much but at least he has a good time We've all been there had a real good time Wake up dead feel like crying but it just won't come because you don't care I know I don't care Dale, has no care We're going to insult everybody on this tape Everybody, let's hear it he he But I don't think we've hit Mike (Mr. Mike) Mr. Mike, The Man Child Following a girl all the way to Detroit I want to tell you the story of The Man Child (he didn't drink enough) He's got some type of rot on his penis He wanted to know what type of antibiotics would work I said, look where you're putting your cock you jerk Ha ha ooooooo So I told him Flagyl is inappropriate it serves your bowel Yeah Flagyl is for amoebas Not the cock rot you tell You better get some medicine or Mr. Man Child, Your cock will fall off One day he wrote me a letter Said in not so many terms all the better But one thing concerned him the most that was the green pusy scum coming from his Dick head He said, "What is it Dr. Dale?" I said, "I can't tell but, one thing is, You need some drugs" Then I said "What drugs are most efficacious?" And he said, "Well, I think I'll try them, but it's actually my girl's disease, not mine, you know, She had this kind of slimey white stuff coming from her slime But, what the hell? Who can we tell? We're going to insult everyone on this tape as we can Ricky The Eel: Who we leaving out? Jenny without a doubt Little blond girl we all know and love I can't think of anything I want to say that's bad because I don't feel bad because I insulted her, but we love her, but sometimes she can be mean Ok that's it, sometimes she can be real mean he he he he How much more time do we have? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha