Back to the Ranch Can't get into her pants So I might as well dance Can't find no romance Going back to the ranch Driving my new truck Looking for a lady who has a look Got my boots and my new Stetson Tired of watching TV Don't like the Jetsens She had Long legs and big boobs On her thigh a tattoo I'll make an honest woman out of you Don't you know my love is true Can't get into her pants So I might as well dance Can't find no romance Going back to the ranch Grew up on the farm I don't mean any harm If I can't get a girl I think I'll go shoot some squirrels Can't get into her pants So I might as well dance Can't find no romance Going back to the ranch Oh Tina I love you Did Dale tell you about green snow You didn't even want to know my name You only asked me "Do you have some cocaine?" Can't get into her pants So I might as well dance Can't find no romance Going back to the ranch Flying in on an airplane Name's Tina, not Mary or Jane Ten days of hell what am I to do? Guess I just rear back and Squirt green come all over you Can't get into her pants So I might as well dance Can't find no romance Going back to the ranch Visit the city as a cook Who knows what road fate took?